The Miami Heat keep appearing in the conference finals, so I keep having to write my yearly “10 Reasons To Loathe Them” 100 Words entry. Luckily, they give me no end of material. So on the eve of this year’s Finals, and building off of Mach 1 and Mach 2, here are “10 Reasons To Loathe The Miami Heat, Mach 3":
1. Heat fans gave up and left the building when their team was down (ohmyGod!) five points late in game 6 of the Finals last year, then banged on the doors (futilely) to be let in.
2. Pat Riley looks ever more like the creepy old guy at the bar buying 19-year-old women fuzzy navels.
3. Bosh still looks like Dino the Dinosaur.
4. Norris Cole still has a head shaped like a Mason jar.
5. Shell-of-a-player, future-presidential-candidate, whitest-black-man-in-America Shane Battier still makes the occasional annoying three.
6. Eric Spoelstra’s still dating a Heat cheerleader, who’s 25 to his 43.
7. LeBron not only calls himself King James, he actually wore that on a jersey for a game this year.
8. Just look at Bosh in that picture. And LeBron.
9. The worst fans in America get to root for the best team.