10 reasons the Miami Heat are still loathsome, Mach 3

The Miami Heat keep appearing in the conference finals, so I keep having to write my yearly “10 Reasons To Loathe Them” 100 Words entry. Luckily, they give me no end of material. So on the eve of this year’s Finals, and building off of Mach 1 and Mach 2, here are “10 Reasons To Loathe The Miami Heat, Mach 3":

1. Heat fans gave up and left the building when their team was down (ohmyGod!) five points late in game 6 of the Finals last year, then banged on the doors (futilely) to be let in. 

2.  Pat Riley looks ever more like the creepy old guy at the bar buying 19-year-old women fuzzy navels.

3. Bosh still looks like Dino the Dinosaur. 

4. Norris Cole still has a head shaped like a Mason jar. 

5. Shell-of-a-player, future-presidential-candidate, whitest-black-man-in-America Shane Battier still makes the occasional annoying three. 

6. Eric Spoelstra’s still dating a Heat cheerleader, who’s 25 to his 43.

7. LeBron not only calls himself King James, he actually wore that on a jersey for a game this year.

8. Just look at Bosh in that picture. And LeBron.

9.  The worst fans in America get to root for the best team.

10. And of course, this. Forever this. 

This lesbian conversation made possible by a good planner

Boy, do I love these ads for HBO Go. I love that they completely went for it. I love the dialogue. Mostly I love the insight: watch HBO on your mobile so you don't have to watch it with your parents. That's good stuff.  And some planner at the agency probably came up with that insight.

I always tell my ad classes, when you've got a great brief, your job as a creative is half done. And this was undoubtedly a great brief.

Click here for a link with all the spots.  

Whatever you do, don't go to the bathroom in the second quarter. Or the fourth quarter. Not sure yet.

This is our new Super Bowl ad that's running tomorrow.

I've had ads on the Super Bowl a few times, and I have to say, I really don't like it.  There's too much scrutiny.  Like you right now, scrutinizing this with your ornery judgmental eyes.

Actually what I think is really cool is all the Twitter and Facebook content we're pushing out around the game, before and during. Here's one of those (take that, Richard Sherman).

In fact I'll be social-monitoring the game with my client in Pittsburgh, looking for any social-media opportunities to capitalize on (a blackout, a flying saucer landing on the 50-yard-line, etc).

Look for this in the second or fourth quarter.  Fox keeps changing their minds as to when it'll run.  Laugh, put some Heinz ketchup on your tots, repeat.

Things I’m thankful for

I haven’t posted in a while, and lots of people – okay, my daughter and Patrick Scullin – have noticed.

So even though it’s not New Year’s, my New Year’s resolution is to post more often. And even though it’s two weeks after Thanksgiving, my first post in a while is going to be:

What I’m Thankful For – the 100 Words Edition

1) I’m thankful for advertising people. They’re almost always more interesting than non-advertising people.

2) I’m thankful for my clients. I’d have a beer with almost all of them. In fact, I do have beers with almost all of them.

3) I’m thankful for this, because hopefully it will inspire my girls. 

4) I’m thankful I’m not homeless. If you’re not, try reading this.   

5) I’m thankful for the ongoing brilliance of the Lexus December-to-Remember ads. That was a joke. 

6) I’m even thankful for the right-wing nut jobs that inexplicably read this blog because hey, at least they’re reading. 

An open letter to Maurice Levy

TO:   Maurice Levy
FR:   100 Words
RE:   The merger

Sorry, I've been away shooting donkeys and preparing to shoot sports cars (yes, I have a weird job).  And I know you've been wondering, "100 Words, what the hell do you think about the Publicis/Omnicom marriage?"

Glad you asked, Maurice. Here's what I think it's not about: ideas. Because not one person has said so. Not you, not the press. Nobody.

That's because it's not. It's about media-buying and big-data scale. You said so yourself.

Which is odd, because the one currency agencies have left in this world, the one thing you will have left, is brilliant strategy and brilliant ideas. Storytelling is and shall be king.

And there is no algorithm for that.

PS: love the hair.

14 reasons why the Miami Heat are loathsome

Last year, I posted about 10 reasons why I hate the Miami Heat. Well, I’ve been watching them in the playoffs the last couple of months, and I have a few more to add.

PS: yes, I’m recycling my own ideas. A lot of ad people have made a career out of it. Deal.

1. The entire home crowd wears white. It’s like an albino mime convention.

2. The carnival-barker PA announcer. Chalmers hits a 12-foot jumper in the first quarter of a January game against Cleveland, and you’d think they’d just hit the Powerball. “MAAAAAAARIO CHALLLLLLLL-MERRRRRRS! FROM DUWAYYYYYYYYNE WAAAAAADE!!” This goes on for 14 seconds after every score.

3. LeBron’s arrogance.

4. Wade’s arrogance.

5. Spoelstra’s overbite.

6. Bosh’s resemblance to Dino the Dinosaur from The Flintstones.

7. Miller's hair. Vince Van Patten called, he wants his 'do back.

8. The floppingest floppers in floppingdom.

9. Haslem letting his nasty saliva-dripping black mouthpiece hang sideways out of his piehole after every shot he makes. 

10. Chris Anderson's tattoo. On his neck. That reads FREE BIRD.  

11. Three-point bricklayer/future President of the United States/whitest African-American in the NBA/ex-Dukie Shane Battier.

12. Spoelstra is dating a Miami Heat cheerleader.

13. In the autumn of his career, Dwyane Wade has become the dirtiest player in the NBA.

14. And this. Forever this.  

Peaks and valleys

When I was at Leo Burnett, Bob Welke ran the creative department for a time.  Bob is a smart guy and taught me a lot, but one of the smartest notions he had was the Welke Wheel of Shit.  (As opposed to the Wheel of Fortune.)  Bob’s theory was that every day in advertising is another spin of the wheel.  One day it comes up gold; the next day it comes up shit.   (Sorry for my language, Doyle children). 

It may not sound all that profound, but it’s kind of true about the business.   And in a strange way, it’s kept me going a lot of times.  Because one really bad day tends to be followed by a good one.  That's the capital T truth.  

Yesterday we found out we retained Porsche.  Later this week we hear about another big pitch.  And the wheel spins on.