Thursday, December 9, 2010

Hollywood scribe lays a major smack-down on Palin


I'm trying to stay away from writing about politics. Truly I am. But this open letter to Sarah Palin from screenwriting legend Aaron Sorkin, about her reality show Sarah Palin's Alaska, was too good to pass up:

"Unless you've never worn leather shoes, sat upon a leather chair or eaten meat, save your condemnation."

You're right, Sarah, we'll all just go fuck ourselves now.

The snotty quote was posted by Sarah Palin on (like all the great frontier women who've come before her) her Facebook page to respond to the criticism she knew and hoped would be coming after she hunted, killed and carved up a Caribou during a segment of her truly awful reality show, Sarah Palin's Alaska, broadcast on The-Now-Hilariously-Titled Learning Channel.

I eat meat, chicken and fish, have shoes and furniture made of leather, and PETA is not ever going to put me on the cover of their brochure and for these reasons Palin thinks it's hypocritical of me to find what she did heart-stoppingly disgusting. I don't think it is, and here's why.

Like 95% of the people I know, I don't have a visceral (look it up) problem eating meat or wearing a belt. But like absolutely everybody I know, I don't relish the idea of torturing animals. I don't enjoy the fact that they're dead and I certainly don't want to volunteer to be the one to kill them and if I were picked to be the one to kill them in some kind of Lottery-from-Hell, I wouldn't do a little dance of joy while I was slicing the animal apart.

I'm able to make a distinction between you and me without feeling the least bit hypocritical. I don't watch snuff films and you make them. You weren't killing that animal for food or shelter or even fashion, you were killing it for fun. You enjoy killing animals. I can make the distinction between the two of us but I've tried and tried and for the life of me, I can't make a distinction between what you get paid to do and what Michael Vick went to prison for doing. I'm able to make the distinction with no pangs of hypocrisy even though I get happy every time one of you faux-macho shitheads accidentally shoots another one of you in the face.

So I don't think I will save my condemnation, you phony pioneer girl. (I'm in film and television, Cruella, and there was an insert close-up of your manicure while you were roughing it in God's country. I know exactly how many feet off camera your hair and make-up trailer was.)

And you didn't just do it for fun and you didn't just do it for money. That was the first moose ever murdered for political gain. You knew there'd be a protest from PETA and you knew that would be an opportunity to hate on some people, you witless bully. What a uniter you'd be -- bringing the right together with the far right.

(Let me be the first to say that I abused cocaine and was arrested for it in April 2001. I want to be the first to say it so that when Palin's Army of Arrogant Assholes, bereft of any reasonable rebuttal, write it all over the internet tomorrow they will at best be the second.)

I eat meat, there are leather chairs in my office, Sarah Palin is deranged and The Learning Channel should be ashamed of itself.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

"That was the first moose ever murdered for political gain."

Hillary's weakness was she just didn't want the Presidency badly enough!

Clark said...

Friend of Barack Obama, on the murder by fork of pregnant actress, Sharon Tate

"Offing those rich pigs with their own forks and knives, and then eating a meal in the same room, far out! The Weathermen dig Charles Manson." [14] In greeting each other, delegates to the war council often spread their fingers to signify the fork.

Let's see - Sarah Palin or The Leftist Obama and his buddies like Bernadine Dohrn, wife of Bill Ayers, both former Weathermen revolutionaries and now establishement types who counsel Barack? I take Sarah Palin. At least she does not revel in killing people. You can tell a lot about people from their friends.

Clark (not Roy) said...

source on the quote from Bernadine was Wikipedia. Sharon Tate was Roman Polanski's wife. Bernadine was happy she got killed.

Ralph said...

Let's see - what is a bigger more noteworthy problem - Sarah Palin or a political party (Democrat) with no ideas that it can speak about honestly and an election strategy that is centered on how to rig elections through as much voter fraud as possible in large cities like Philadelphia and Chicago, and wherever else is possible. And denying service people the vote.

Let's see - I say I am more concerned about a political party that enjoys cheating while trying to undo the Constitution. And I like that Sarah has so much fun annoying the metrosexual Madison Avenue crowd.

Vince Flynn said...

Aaron who??

Dr. Ruth said...

I think this blogger has a major love thing going on with Sarah Palin. Perhaps a stalker. Can't discuss politics without obsessing on Sarah. I think there must be some dominatrix submission thing going on here. A secret wish for her to crack the whip. She is nice looking, but seriously, if you want to talk politics, how about ditching the stalker thing and actually produce a position.

Richard said...

Iowa scribe puts a major French kiss on Obama

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2010/12/sources.html

James said...

It tells a lot about the judgement, intelligence and arrogance of some, who told us with absolute certainty that the current President, despite zero record of actual accomplishment, was a once in a lifetime transformative figure who would lead our country from the desert into Utopia, uniting citizens of every persuasion and achieving love and respect around the world. Of course none of this has happened, honest people on all sides now know we elected an extremely lazy narcissist whose main attribute is that he hates America as founded. Now the same fools who brought us this dunce want to focus their attention on Sarah Palin rather than the incredible shrinking President.

If you have no track record of actually supporting a good idea, then maybe you should learn some humility. Having one good virtue is better than constantly exhibiting your adolescent foolishness.

Dr. Phil said...

Pick the marriage worth emulating

Al and Tipper Gore
John and Elizabeth Edwards
Bill and Hillary Clinton
John and Teresa Kerry
Elliott and Silda Spitzer
Sarah and Todd Palin

Molly Yard said...

You liberals spend all your time attacking Sarah Palin because you are sexist wimps. You don't like strong women. You and Aaron don't like her because you think women should not be in positions of power. All this talk of diversity and you get your bikini shorts in a wad over Sarah Palin.

Emeril said...

I am pretty sure the victim was "free range" and "organic", so what's the beef?

Ralph Waldo said...

Reading the bit of prose by Mr. Sorkin leads one to two conclusions. First, it doesn't require much intellect to be a Hollywood writer these days. Second, those who post the angry rants of Mr. Sorkin must have never been introduced to the writings of real people of thought and character. To quote from Mr. Sorkin, unless making a point about delusional personalities or the Peter Principle in Hollywood, is like suggesting American Idol as a place to see talent. Both are just very sad reflections on the decline of American culture. Still, this decline is useful in that it should help us understand that evolution does not explain our existence. We are seeing survival of the lowliest, something PJ Barnum or HL Menchen would not be surprised about.

Ralph Waldo said...

Reading the bit of prose by Mr. Sorkin leads one to two conclusions. First, it doesn't require much intellect to be a Hollywood writer these days. Second, those who post the angry rants of Mr. Sorkin must have never been introduced to the writings of real people of thought and character. To quote from Mr. Sorkin, unless making a point about delusional personalities or the Peter Principle in Hollywood, is like suggesting American Idol as a place to see talent. Both are just very sad reflections on the decline of American culture. Still, this decline is useful in that it should help us understand that evolution does not explain our existence. We are seeing survival of the lowliest, something PJ Barnum or HL Menchen would not be surprised about.

Patrick Scullin said...

Good thing you rarely write on politics, GD...